I had a conversation with my junior in University today. He asked me something about my past experience during my study years:-
Junior: nk tanye ni
Junior: kalu design dpt F tu ape charater student tu eh.....
Junior: sedikit kemusykilan la
paklan_rizan: dpt F ?
paklan_rizan: fail ler?
Junior: mmg la....F tu 0.00 kan
Junior: tapi apsal sampai mcm tu skali?
paklan_rizan: emm...aku tak pernah daptlah F..alhamdulillah..
paklan_rizan: tapi ader kekawan yg dpt
paklan_rizan: pd observation aku...
paklan_rizan: ader yg memang malas
paklan_rizan: ader yg dah tak minat
paklan_rizan: tapi ader juga yg rajin dan minat...tapi sebab dia tak menjawab soalan...
paklan_rizan: sesetengah org kata lecturer pilih bulu..tapi aku rasa sentimen tu takderlah sampai bawak beza markah sgt...contohnya..kalau sepatutnya dia dpt A..kalau lecturer tu tak suker ker..mungkin dpt A-
paklan_rizan: so kalau dia dpt F mungkin asalnya dia kat border dah...
paklan_rizan: kalau ader sentimen tu..
paklan_rizan: pada aku kekadang org lupa design tu pun sebenarnya subject study...cuma takder paper test..tapi time crit tu sebenarnya macam test..bezanya kita dah diberi soalan tu dr awal...cuma tak semua org nampak soalan tu...dan akhirnya tak menjawab soalan
Junior: thanks for the explanation
Junior: aku dapat F
paklan_rizan: sorry beb
paklan_rizan: apa jadi?
Junior: ntah la
Junior: tetibe kua dpt F
paklan_rizan: selalunya kalau dpt F ko boleh agak dah..sebab kan ader interim crit
paklan_rizan: markah interim tu kan carry forward..so ko akan tahu sama ader ko akan dok kat border line atau tak..
Junior: nnt wa siasat
Junior: from some reliable sources....my design result is way far from failing.....
Junior: camne kua F ni
paklan_rizan: ko tgk kat website ker?
Junior: ye result tu tgk kt website
paklan_rizan: ader silap kot
paklan_rizan: double check dgn lecturer la..
Junior: kp dlu kan
paklan_rizan: setahu aku..bila final crit...lecturere kan tahu sapa yg akan dpt F..dia akan panggil bebudak nie..
Junior: ye la...time reviwe kan
paklan_rizan: yg border case selalu akan di suruh ugrade design sikit utk lulus..
Junior: aku tak kena panggil pun
paklan_rizan: yg memng file akan di suruh sedia utk design balik
paklan_rizan: ader silap la kot
paklan_rizan: better gi tanya lecturer
Junior: paper sume dah ok
Junior: tetibe yg 12 kdt hour jd f
Junior: gpa jd 1.4 je
paklan_rizan: better gi tanya lecturer
paklan_rizan: sapa lecturer design?
Junior: tp group aku
paklan_rizan: XX boleh tahan lazer gak
Junior: tu la pasal
Junior: buleh cari gaduh ni ngan XX
paklan_rizan: tahu..aku penah kena
paklan_rizan: dia jenis tak sabar...org tak habis explain lagi dah sibuk mencelah
Junior: betul2....rase mcm nk tendang je
The above conversation mainly revolved around an acquaintance who recently got an F for his design subject. I'm not trying to judge those who failed for their design. Eventhough I had never got an F for my design, I feel sorry for them. Why exactly do we crave for an A? And why we do try so hard to avoid an F?
It has never occurred to me before about our dire needs of getting an A (particularly among students)? Through out my studies, most of my design works were awarded with an A (praise be to Allah). My studio-mates used to perceive me as a threat that put them under a lot of pressure. They claimed that my designs were benchmark that was too hard to achieve. I could vividly recall one of the lecturers saying, "look at fadzlan, he can produce this good drawing eventhough he's married with young children and at the same time working part-time". In one particular highrise design, I was given an A+ which created a great history not only for myself but also the school as the grade has never been awarded to any students in the school before!
The truth is, it was never my intention to give them such pressure. I was not even interested in impressing the lecturers even more to compete with anyone. I did it plainly because I wanted to protect my loved ones..my wife and sons. I need to prove to my father that although I have family in my early years, I could still perform well and maintain my grades. I didn't want my father to put the blame neither on my wife nor my sons whenever my grades slipped. Also I didn't want to use my family as an excuse to gain sympthy from the lecturers. I had to prove to others that my desicion to get married young would not hurt anybody. Alhamdulillah, me and my wife had finally did it to win their hearts. I just could not afford to get an F. It was never an option.
This reminds me of our first day when we enrol for the architecture programme. There were over 50 students in each batch, but along the our journey as architectural students, some of us were quite unfortunate; some got an F, some felt they don't like architecture, some took a break to find peace and some just couldn't bear the pressure any more; others got great ideas but were carried away that they didn't fulfill the requirements!
Finally on our graduation day; a day that should be filled with enjoyment for our achievements, I did feel a little regret for not doing much to help those who were left behind. I'd tried my best to help some of them with their design and presentation eventhough I was very occupied with my own early family life. If only I could have done more for them...alas, some of those good old friends who started the journey together from the very beginning couldn't make it to the end.
Those good old times had passed by so quickly. Now those "A's" does not matter at all. My survival at work is for the sake of the family. Nevertheless, for those who are still struggling with their studies, I do hope that they will soon find a rainbow after the storm that had stroke them in the begining.Good Luck!!